


Rabbit Hole

by SilverMidnight



Series: Falling [2]
Category: NCIS: New Orleans
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 16:03:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12279849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: Christopher has been clean and sober for years. And he was going to continue that until his dying die. At least... That was the plan.





	1. Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
> 
> (This is an ongoing story and tags will be added as I go along.)
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Trying to bit back the groan of pain that was threatening to escape him Chris fell into the chair by his desk. Instantly a wave of nausea hit him making him want to bend over a spill the food he had had for breakfast.

Swallowing roughly he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He had been told that he had cracked a rib or two, he could remember which one at the moment, and to not make any strenuous movements. He wasn't completely sure, but puking sounded strenuous.

Truthfully everything sounded like it would take too much effort. He was getting to the point of not even wanting to breathe anymore. All he felt was this sharp pain coursing through his body every time he took a breath.

Which was not the best thing considering he was making himself breathe deeply so he didn't do more damage to himself. It was a catch 22. Either he was in pain from breathing or he was in pain from throwing up. He couldn't win.

Lifting his hand up he attempted to rub it over his tired eyes only to hiss when he put too much pressure on his wrist. He had been so focused on the pain in his chest he had completely forgotten about the fact he had twisted it.

Gently lowering it to his lap he rested his head on the back of his chair hoping to relax enough to forget the pain. Or, at least, move it from a sharp agony to a dull throb. Something he knew wouldn't happen, but he could dream.

When he and Percy had left the building with orders to go through their victims apartment they had both thought it would be easy. They had done this a thousand times without incident. It should have gone off without a hitch.

Instead they had a run in with someone. It was a little blurry, but he remembered clearly a man built like a brick shit house punching his partner hard enough that she stumbled back and tripped down a flight of stairs.

He had pulled his weapon and was identifying them when she got hit. His mind had just made itself up to go and tackle the mammoth of a man when he turned on him. He didn't think of himself as a small man, but he was lifted into the air and tossed against a banister like he was a piece of paper.

The guy didn't stick around after that. It had been pure luck that the only injury, outside of a blow to the pride, that Percy had gotten was a twisted ankle and slight concussion. If she had been worse off she wouldn't have been able to call for the ambulance that they both needed.

Alright, so neither of them were badly injured, but they were dazed and in pain. They had also been pretty much alone. Both of them needed to go see a doctor no matter how much they had wanted to tell themselves differently.

Although if Chris put any thought into it he knew that if Pride or Gregorio had been with them there would have been a lot more arguing from them. They might have been hurt, but neither of them were going to look weak in front of their team.

Hell, if only one of them had been hurt instead of both there would have been a fight. Maybe it was a good thing that they had been alone. It had saved them all a lot of time being annoyed and angry for no reason.

That wasn't to say that they weren't angry. Well, Percy was angry. He could hear her muttered and cursing to herself as she limped over to her desk. He could have told her that getting up to get a drink was not a good idea. Though it did sound nice.

Pride was angry too. Not to the same extent, but Chris could hear him talking on the phone from upstairs. He was talking in that tone of voice that made you want to straighten you spine and do everything he ordered. Not that either of them had the strength to really do much of anything.

Hearing the sound of the woman finally sit in her chair he blinked his eyes open and tilted his head over to her. He gave her a small smile that he saw her eyes on him. One that she sent back before she dropped her head against her desk a soft, pained whimpered that he wasn't supposed to hear.

He had been getting some x-ray's done out of the room when Percy had been getting checked out, but he knew that she either didn't have any pain medication in her system or they were starting to wear off.

Not that that was what he did. When they were in the hospital he had made sure to refuse any medication. He had lied and said that he needed a clear head for his work. He knew the doctor and nurses saw through him, but they hadn't fought him on it.

Which had been a miracle. If they had had less people in the hospital he had no doubt he would have been questioned. Instead they were busy and had decided, after making him promise to fill his prescription, that he knew what he was doing.

It was a win in his mind. Especially if he never had to fill it at all. No one needed to know that he wasn't taking his pills. That was his business and as long as he never let the pain take over than he was going to be fine. He always was.

In the years since joining the police force he had only been injured a handful of times. None of them had been too bad in his opinion. Though his higher ups always told him that if he needed time than he should take it.

That was the last thing he wanted though. Time meant staying at his home. Alone. With a bottle of pills that the hospital gave him that he promised himself he'd throw away. That was never a fun experience.

He toughed it out though knowing that if he gave in than he was going to fall down a hole that he wasn't ever going to be able to get out of. He had seen it happen too many times in his career and he refused to let himself become that.

Which was exactly what he had done for the last sixteen years. He had gotten sober and had stayed that way. If he had to lie about a little pain to make sure that he didn't fall back to who he used to be than so be it.

He wasn't particularly happy about the fact that he kept such a secret from his family and friends, but he knew what would happen if they knew. He knew the looks that they would send him when they thought he wasn't looking. It wasn't worth it to him.

Then there was the fact that both Pride and Loretta were overprotective. If they for a second thought that he was doing something that was a danger to himself than they wouldn't hesitate to speak up.

It was the speaking that worried him though. He had been on the business end of a telling off more times than he liked to admit. He was a little hard headed sometimes. Well, most of the time if you listened to them.

He hated the fact that he had to lie to them, but he didn't have a choice. Not with the way he knew they'd react. Oh, of course, he'd still be part of their family and they'd love him no matter what. That didn't scare him.

Failing them. It didn't matter that he had been a stupid kid when he did this. It didn't matter that he had never even heard of the two of them back then. It all came down to the fact that he had done it and had failed them in the process.

Everyone was entitled to have a dirty little secret or two in their back pocket. He knew that everyone on the team had them. Sometimes they got told in a case, but sometimes they stayed a secret. He was aiming to keep the as the latter.

Alright, so Cade knew about his past now. He was the only one. He also knew that there was a reason it stayed in the past. As long as he showed no signs of falling back into his old ways than that was good enough for his brother.

That was exactly what Chris wanted. It was a slippery slope and some days he wanted to go running towards the nearest dealer. He didn't though. He fought and prayed and distracted himself from doing just that.

He knew in the back of his mind that pain medication wasn't the same as heroin. He wasn't going to risk it though. If he even gave an inch than it would be all too easy to fall completely. He couldn't let himself fall.

When he first got clean he had thought that it would get easier as time went on. He had never been so wrong in his life. Every day was an uphill battle. Some days were easier than others of course, but the voices telling him to shoot up were always there. Nothing would silence them.

Well, that was a lie. There was one thing that would make everything quiet. He was really starting to hate his mind. How was he supposed to get out of his mind when there was quite literally nothing for him to do?

That was the main reason he hadn't gone home after they were released from the hospital. Cade had left earlier that month leaving him alone once more. Not that he was complaining. He loved living alone as much as he loved living with his brother.

With the thoughts that were currently running through his mind though? No, being alone was the last thing he needed. Not that sitting at his desk is relative quiet was helping all that much. At least he wasn't alone.

He wished that Pride would get off his phone and come into the office. They could talk about the case or argue about the fact that they were there instead of resting. He didn't care. He just needed out of his head.

A part of him wanted to turn to Percy and try to start a conversation with her. If she hadn't been hurt he would have, but he, and pretty much everyone else, knew she liked to lick her wounds alone. Using her as a distraction was not on the table.

There had to be something else he could do. He'd take listening to Sebastian talk about his theory on who would win in a fight between vampires and werewolves. He didn't care as long as he was thinking about something else.

"You two look like crap," Gregorio said walking into the office.

A gasp of pain fell from them both as they jumped at her voice. He had thought that she would still be… What had Pride sent her to do again? Damn, the pain was starting to make his head a little fuzzy. He had to pull it together before he was sent home.

"Thanks," Percy replied rolling her eyes.

"Really?" Gregorio snarked a smirk coming to her lips, "I come baring gifts and that's the tone you want to use?"

"Depends. What you get?"

"Pride asked me to pick up your prescriptions after I left Doc Wade's office. Something about you too looking like you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag. While I was there though I thought I'd be nice and grab some drinks and snacks on the off chance your stomach was empty."

Sauntering over to their desks she started to pull out a few bottles of sport drinks and juice as well as some cookies before she got to their pills. Percy moved as quickly as her injuries would let her to open the bottle and pop two white pills in her mouth a smile coming to her lips.

Once the New Yorker was sure that the other woman was taken care of she turned to Chris and raised an eyebrow. He could already feel the dread pooling in his stomach as his heart began to pick up at that look.

"Your turn," Gregorio said crossing her arms over her chest..

"I'm good," he replied giving her what he hoped was a convincing smile.

"You got thrown into a banister by a wannabe Hulk," Percy jumped in glaring at him from her desk, "You are not 'good'. Now quit being a guy and take your pills."

Seeing both women glaring at him he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. They weren't going to stop until he had taken the medication. Knowing them he'd probably end up in worse condition after they forced him to.

He felt sick as he took the pill bottle from off his desk and opened it. It felt as if he was about to shake out of his skin as two perfectly white pills fell into his palm. A voice told him to throw the pills away and just explain why he couldn't take them.

He didn't listen to it though. Instead he lifted a somehow steady hand to his mouth and let them fall in. Instantly his heart was falling to his stomach and he was sure that he was going to be sick this time.

Everything about this situation made him want to scream or run or do something to make it stop. He simply didn't have a choice in his mind. Under his teams watchful gaze he opened a bottle of juice and swallowed the pills.

Both women seemed satisfied as they turned away from him and started to talk about the case. They didn't see just how angry and depressed Chris was by the turn of events. They didn't see how sick he felt at himself.

As much as he didn't want to be alone before he wished he was now. He wanted to be able to breakdown without having anyone question what was happening with him. All he could do was stare at the wall looking completely blank even though he was screaming inside.

He had worked so hard to get clean. It had taken all of his willpower not to stumble and fall into the needle again. Everything… EVERYTHING that he had worked for. He couldn't believe he threw it all away after being glared at.

Hell, he had even worked in vice for years without breaking. If he could handle actual drug dealers offering him things than his own team shouldn't have been a problem. Instead he gave in without even trying to think of a lie to get them off his back.

As he sat there yelling at himself he wondered if he could leave. He could tell them that he didn't want to be impaired at work. It was logic reasoning. Drugs and guns just didn't mix. No one would blame him for that.

They would, on the other hand, question his sanity. Something that he just couldn't deal with right then. All he could do was sit at his desk and wait for that glorious high that he always wanted, but prayed he'd never feel again, come.

That was when it finally hit him. It wasn't as strong as he was used to, but it was enough to have him relaxing into his chair the pain moving to a dull ache. Around him he vaguely heard amused laughter coming from the girls, but he paid them no mind.

As his eyes slipped shut he told himself firmly that as soon as he was alone he was going to get rid of the pills. He could handle one dose. This didn't mean that he was falling off the wagon. Anyway, he had been in a lot of pain.

After today he'd go back to toughing it out. It would suck while he healed up, but he'd done it before and he could do it now. All he had to do was throw them away and then everything would go back to normal and he would be fine. Everything would be fine.


	2. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

A sigh fell from Chris's lips as he grabbed his buzzing cell phone from off his nightstand. Blinking a few times he waited for his eyes to adjust to the bright light before he let his head drop onto the pillow.

It was another text from Percy asking if he wanted to go out and grab something to eat. He had been able to ignore them for the past three days. Well, not so much ignore them, but postpone them until he felt better.

That wasn't exactly a lie. He felt horrible. Not just because of his ribs and wrist, but because his brain wouldn't let him forget that he had taken those pills. Wouldn't let him forget that they were right next to his phone on the nightstand.

He had promised to himself that he was going to drop them off at the nearest pill disposal, but he hadn't gotten away from his team. Percy was always next to him at their desks and King had gone as far as driven him home while Gregorio took Percy.

Not that he didn't fight against that. He wasn't a child and the pills had worn off by the time they had been kicked out of the office. Pride hadn't seen it that way though. He also hadn't wanted them to show up at work until Monday.

That had been three days ago and there were four more left before he got to go back. A week off of work to do nothing but 'get well'. How were you supposed to 'get well' when he felt like he was going stir crazy?

He had never been able to sit still and do nothing. It had always been in his blood to be moving around doing something. Whether it was doing house work for his mama or grandma or working in his neighbors yards. He was moving. His mama used to say he was a busy little worker bee.

Now that was his only option. When he woke up the next day he tried to clean his house up. Just so he had something to do. Which was near impossible to do when he was moving slower than normal, couldn't use one of his hands, and couldn't bend over.

All he wanted to do was go back to work. He'd sit at his desk filling out paperwork if it meant that he was actually doing something. As long as he was doing something productive he didn't care what it was.

Instead he had spent his time since then laying in bed going in and out of a hazy sleep and sending texts to his teammates. A part of him wanted to ignore them completely, but that would bring them to his door. Something he really didn't want to do.

He wasn't ignoring his team. He just didn't want to be around anyone. At this point he didn't even want to be around himself. If only he could actually fall asleep instead of just laying there staring at the ceiling for hours.

That was another problem with being injured. He had trouble sleeping sometimes, almost all cops did, but when he was hurt it was three times as bad. Add the fact that it was his ribs that had gotten hurt. It was even worse.

So he laid in bed. Thinking. His mind didn't get away from him the same way Cade's did, but he had his fair share of monsters. Ones that liked to come for him when he was too tired to think clearly.

Which was exactly what he was at the moment. Too tired to really think. Too in pain to move around and distract himself from the monsters. Just all around too weak to hold any ground in a fight against himself.

He wished that he could say that he was trying, but that would be a lie. Lying on his bed doing nothing wasn't helping him and he knew that. Every time a text from his team came in he told himself to hope in the shower and go see them.

That never happened though. A running conversation was kept up, but he often stopped replying for hours. He'd just say that the meds had taken over and that he had fallen asleep. He didn't know how long that lie was going to be bought.

He could already tell the Pride was starting to get suspicious. The older man had known him long enough to know when he was trying to get away from people. It was only a matter of time before he was called out.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that not moving was not helping him. That his state of not functioning was not what he needed. He honestly just didn't care about much of anything at the moment. As long as he wasn't dead then he was fine.

He had no idea why he felt that though. Normally he'd be calling up the team and planning dinners or going out to movies with them. He didn't lay in bed doing nothing just because he got a bit banged up.

A sigh fell form his lips at that. His brain had been going back and forth between wanting to get up and function and wanting to disappear under his covers. It was confusing and all it really gave him was a headache. Because that was what he needed. More pain.

'Come on, Country Mouse,' read Percy's text, 'You've been cooped up in your house for days. If you don't come out soon we're going to stage a rescue mission.'

'I'm fine,' he replied back even as his mind screamed at him for lying, 'Just tired. I guess my ribs were worse off than I thought.'

'You okay? I can drive you to the hospital if you need.'

'You can drive?'

'Shut up. Gregorio is here right now. She can drive you.'

'Girls night in? Watching bad 80s romcoms and drinking wine?'

'Again. Shut up.'

'You're right. I'm sorry. Sharpening knives and drinking wine?'

His lips twitched slightly when she sent back a rolling eye emoji. It fell away as fast as it came. That had been the perfect time to tell her that he did want some company and that she and Gregorio should bring the party to his place.

Closing his eyes he pushed all the thoughts away and tossed his phone onto the nightstand. A groan left him when hear heard something get knocked over. He really did not want to deal with cleaning up a mess.

Stretching his arm out as far as he could without hurting himself he grabbed the object and pulled it to his chest. He was just going to toss it a bit away into the laundry basket by the foot of the bed and deal with it later when orange plastic caught his eyes.

He felt himself freeze as he stared at the pill bottle that he had been steadfast ignoring for days now. It had been a shock to him, but he had actually forgotten it was even there. That had been a nice feeling while it lasted.

Licking his lips he rolled the bottle from one hand to the other. His mind went back to how he had felt when he had taken them at the office. It was like a gentle wave of peace had rolled over him. His mind and body had both relaxed.

It really had brought back the memory he had tried hard to forget. That was impossible though. He could never forget just how amazing it felt when he pushed the plunger of the needle down and the drugs finally hit his system.

Gritting his teeth he tried to tell himself that he didn't want that anymore. That he wasn't the same person that he used to be. He was stronger and he had a team, a family, that had his back now. He didn't need the drugs.

Even as he thought that though his hands moved. They opened the bottle and poured two pills onto the blanket. For a moment he just stared at them hoping that they'd just vanish and he wouldn't be tempted to do something he knew was stupid.

On the bed beside him his phone buzzed with another text. His eyes flicked over to it, but they went back to the pills before he could read who it was that sent the message. All he could focus on was the pills.

He knew that he should answer it. That this was his last chance. Whomever it was on the other side of the phone could help him. They could break the spell that the medication had over him at that moment.

His hand reached out and took hold of the pills. Popping them into his mouth he swallowed them dry and took a shaky breath. Closing the pill bottle he placed it next to the silent phone and laid down fully hoping that he might get some sleep now.


	3. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Throwing open the refrigerator door Chris pulled out a bottle of water and took a gulp. A sigh fell from his lips when he felt the pills that had been in his mouth slid down his throat. Once he was sure they were down he placed another two in his mouth and took another drink.

His eyes were shut as he stood there waiting for them to kick in. It wouldn't be long. He hoped. All he knew was that he couldn't stand the feeling of something trying to claw its way out of him anymore. He needed it gone.

Running his nails over his scalp harshly he made his way to the table and fell into one of the chairs. Downstairs he could hear his team talking and laughing about something or another. He hadn't been paying that close attention when he left.

He just needed to get away from them. It never accord to him just how loud and annoying they all were. Always happy for some reason. Laughing and hanging off of each other like they were having the time of their life.

Chris wouldn't call himself an angry person, but he wasn't happy all the time. It was tiring just being around them. Not to mention it made him want to punch something. Right now he'd settle for one of their smiling faces.

He was just so damn sick of them all! Couldn't they just shut up for five seconds? He wasn't normally so quick to annoy, but everything seemed to be driving him up a wall lately. He really wished it wasn't there.

Drumming his nails against the table Chris did his best to ignore the voices downstairs as he continued to wait. All he had to do was get the pills to calm him down and then he could go back to work and everything would be fine.

Maybe he should take some more. He had already upped it from two to four the other day and the feeling wasn't lasting nearly as long. Taking six might just be enough to get him through the rest of the day. Or at least a few hours.

His hand moved to his the painkillers in his pocket when Percy yelled something causing everyone to laugh. The overwhelming urge to storm down and deck her filled him. Anything to get her to just shut up.

They weren't on a case and the paperwork had been filed already sot it wasn't as if there was any reason for them not to be talking while they waited. Did they have to be so loud about everything though?

Clenching his jaw he took a shaky breath trying to calm himself down. It was only a few more hours. He was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. There was no reason for him to go off on someone.

His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He wasn't completely sure why his heart was going insane, but he needed it to stop. Burying his head in his hands he forced himself to take some deep breaths hoping they'd help.

Shaking his head he jumped to his feet and started to pace the small kitchen. His heart wasn't calming down any, but the movement made him feel a little better. He just had to wait out the feeling of his heart trying to escape his chest. It wouldn't be long.

As he continued to pace he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the pills again. His hand was shaking as he poured two into it before popping them into his mouth. He reached for his drink but instead of grabbing it he caused it to fall and spill onto the floor.

Cursing he dry swallowed the pills already in his mouth before putting the rest away. Dropping to his knees he started to wipe at the water not caring that his knees were getting soaked. It took him longer than he liked to admit to realize that running his hands through the water wasn't helping.

A dark chuckle left his lips as he fell back on his ass and ran his wet hands through his hair. For a moment he did nothing more than sit there staring at the puddle of water that was slowly soaking into the carpet.

"Come on, Gregorio," Sebastian laughed from below, "There's no way that happened."

Feeling his anger finally reach its boiling point Chris jumped to his feet and stormed downstairs. He could vaguely hear the people around him saying something, but he couldn't make out a word of it.

Once he was at his desk he grabbed for his car keys only to have his hand knock into the files that were already there causing them to spill onto the floor. He didn't even bother stopping to pick them up as he started to leave.

"Hey," Sebastian said getting in his way, "What's wrong? Is everything okay? What happened?"

"Outside of you being in my way?" Chris glared at the taller man, "Nothing."

"W-What?"

"Really? Are you really as stupid as you look? Let me put it in small words you can handle. Move!"

Sebastian's mouth fell open in shock as Chris shouldered him out of the way. He barely got a few steps before both Percy and Gregorio were standing in front of him glaring in a way that usually made him take a step back.

"LaSalle!" Percy barked crossing her arms over her chest, "What the hell was that?"

"I thought it was obvious," he spoke back taking a step forward, "Do I need to spell it out for you two as well?"

"What is your problem?" Gregorio questioned looking as if she was ready for a fight.

"Outside of two bitches standing in my way, you mean?"

"Christopher!" Pride snapped grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around.

Before the younger man could even think about his actions his fist was shooting out to clip his boss in the jaw. The hit was hard enough that Pride took a step back letting him go, but it wasn't enough.

Jumping forward Chris balled his fists in the man's shirt and pushed him backwards until he was ramming into a desk. Once they weren't moving he was pulled one hand away he threw another punch and then another and another.

He felt a hand wrap around his arm trying to stop him, but he just threw his elbow back making whoever it was move away from him. His brain barely registered the sound of someone falling to the ground when he did that.

The interruption in his punches was just long enough for Pride to come out of his shock at start defending himself. It was nothing more than blocking his hits and that pissed Chris off more than it should. He wanted a fight.

Growling he used the hand still tangled in the man's shirt to pull him down enough to knee him in the stomach. Pride doubled over for a second before he was surging up and throwing his first and only punch to Chris's still healing ribs.

A gasp fell from his lips as he fell to his knees. Even with the painkillers in his system a direct hit like that was just pure pain. As he knelt there trying to get his breathing back in order the anger and need to fight slowly slipped out of him.

"Christopher," Pride said standing in front of him, "You want to tell me what that was about?"

"Go to hell," he bit out glaring up at the man.

Before anyone could say anything else Chris was on his feet doing what he had been trying to do all along. No one bothered to try to stop him as he exited the office and made his way wherever he was going.


	4. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

A sigh fell from Dwayne's lips as he finished locking up the office for the night. He couldn't say just how glad he was that the day was over without any cases coming across his desk. They couldn't handle it in the state they were in.

He didn't actually know what kind of state they were in. Percy was snapping at everyone and everything that came near her. Gregorio was quiet and glaring daggers at nothing. Sebastian had barely even uttered a word. And Christopher…

He had no idea what was going on with the younger man. In ten years of friendship they had been through ups and downs together. They had seen the best and the worst of each other more times than they cared to think about.

This was so far away from the worst he had seen in the man. Yes, he had a bit of a temper and that got away from him sometimes, but never did he lash out that violently at his family. He wasn't that type of man.

They might get into yelling fights or hurl insults at each other, but never,  _never,_  did they throw fists. The man had grown up in a family that did that and he had told Dwayne time after time that he was never going to be like his daddy.

In truth, it usually wasn't even him that raised his voice when he was made at someone on the team. He was the type of person to simply plaster on a smile and fake it. Everyone would know that he was upset, but they wouldn't be able to do anything about it until he was ready.

It was a slightly messed up system, but it was one that had worked for them for along time. In the end they'd always figure out what the problem was and they'd move on from it. They never just walked away.

This time was different though. There was no silent treatment. No fake smiles that poorly hid the pain that was in his eyes. There wasn't a real warning or build up in his anger. It was just suddenly there.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. Chris had been a little quieter than normal lately. Which wasn't all that surprising considering that he had forced the man into taking some time off to heal up. He always was upset after that happened.

It wasn't just that though. Now that he was thinking about it he couldn't believe he had missed it all. He had been holding himself back from them. He didn't go out as much or interact while they were at their desks.

How could he have been so blind? It was obvious that something was going on with the younger man. It was right in front of his face every time he looked at him and he had brushed it off as if it was nothing.

Christopher was his best friend. They had spent ten years having each others back both in and out of the field. He was proud of being able to call the man his brother. How could he have failed him so spectacularly?

Sighing he ran a hand over his mouth only to flinch. He knew that Chris had a damn good right hook, but he hadn't felt it before. It was a feeling that he would have gladly never felt. Though now he did wonder if he deserved it.

He hadn't bothered to look at himself in the mirror since he cleaned himself up. There had been so much anger and pain in the man's eyes. He didn't think he'd ever be able to unsee that pure hatred he felt towards him in that moment.

It hurt to know that the man had been aiming to do some damage. He still wasn't completely sure if he had wanted to hurt the older man or if he had just wanted to hurt someone, but he had succeeded in it.

A split lip and some impressive bruising on not just his face but his ribs. It was not going to be a fun night to sleep and an even bigger pain in the morning for him. Not to mention the bloody nose and black eye Gregorio got from an elbow.

He had been so angry at them all and it made no sense. The team was family and Chris loved his family more than anything in the world. There had to be something bigger going on and he had to find out what.

With the knowledge that the other man was not going to be happy with him Dwayne pulled out his phone and called a number that he had never used before. As it rung he made his way upstairs into the kitchen.

His eyes darted over the space a sigh falling from his lips. There wasn't much damage to the room, but it was clear to see that the younger man had been upstairs when his anger had gotten the better of him.

Shaking his head he bent down and picked up a half empty bottle of water from the floor. His mind tried to figure out what Chris had been thinking when it fell, but he came up blank. Which seemed to be the consensus for the day.

"Hello?" came Cade's confused voice when he finally picked up the phone. "Pride?"

"Hey, Cade," Dwayne greeted pouring the rest of the water into the sink before throwing the bottle away, "You doing okay?"

"About as well as normal. You okay? Chris okay?"

Sighing Dwayne fixed the chair that had fallen over before sitting down in it. A part of him yelled that he never should have called the man. He had enough to worry about on his own, but he needed the help.

The only person closer to Chris than him was Cade. If anyone would have any answers it would be the man. He couldn't go talk to his friend if he didn't have some kind of idea of what was going on. He had to go in prepared.

"Pride?" Cade questioned after a pregnant pause the worry creeping into his tone, "What's going on? What's wrong with Chris?"

"I don't know," Dwayne offered softly.

"You don't… You don't know? How do you not know? You're his boss. You're supposed to know this things!"

"Cade, he's not hurt. Well, he's healing up from an injury, but that's unrelated to what's going on. Look, I know you want some answers and I'll tell you everything I know, I promise. Right now though I need to ask you some questions and I need you to tell me the truth. Okay?"

"Okay."

"When was the last time you talked to your brother?"

"The day I left. A few weeks ago."

"Was he acting oddly at all?"

"No. He was the same old Chris. He was a little sad because I was leaving, but that's normal for him."

"Has anything happened that he wouldn't be telling me about? Maybe with your family?"

"No, everything is fine in the LaSalle family. Will you tell me what's going on now?"

"I don't have a lot of answers. All I know is that Chris has been acting off."

"Off? How? What do you mean?"

"He's been quiet lately. Not talking to anyone unless it was about a case and even then he was barely saying anything. Today though… Something changed. I don't know what, but it did."

"What happened?"

"He yelled at Sebastian. He called both Percy and Gregorio bitches. He threw some punches at me."

"He… What? That's not my brother."

"I know. I don't have any idea what's going on with that boy."

"You were hoping I did. I'm sorry. I don't know any more than you do."

"He's never acted like this before?"

"He's always had a temper. You know that. He's never really gotten violent though. Well, outside of his teenage years. But what teenager didn't get a little rowdy?"

"Was anything happening during that time that might explain what's going on now?"

"No, I don't… Wait… Maybe."

"Cade?"

"Oh, baby brother, what have you done?"

"Cade? What's going on? What are you thinking?"

"He got hurt recently? Right?"

"Yes, a suspect attacked him and Percy. Banged them both up pretty good."

"How badly was he hurt?"

"Bad enough that I sent him home for some time off."

"And was he given any painkillers?"

"Yeah, I've seen him take some since he's gotten back. Messed up his ribs. Why?"

"Pride, get to his house. Now. Ask about those pills. Don't back off until he tells you. Okay?"

"Cade, what aren't you telling me? Why are the pills important?"

"Just go. I'm going to grab a bus down there as soon as I can."

Before Dwayne could ask anything else the younger man hung up. For a moment he stared at the phone a sinking feeling coming to his stomach. From everything that the man had said it was easy to jump to a conclusion that he really didn't want to think about.

That wasn't the man that he knew. He wasn't a… It made no sense in his mind, but at the same time it made perfect sense. It explained everything that was going on and the scared him more than he liked to admit.

Shaking his head he stood up and made his way down to his car. There was only one way to figure out what was going on and that was to go see the man. He couldn't push this off or wait for another day to have the talk. There wasn't any time to waste.

As he drove to his friend's house his mind was a jumbled mess. In all of his years working in law enforcement he had seen some things. All of which made him more than a little scared to know what was going on at the man's house.

Pulling up to the driveway he took a deep, calming breath and walked up to the front door. Chris's truck was still at work so the only thing he had to go on that the man was there was the lights on in almost all the rooms.

That didn't make any sense. Chris was the one that always told him that it was annoying how people left lights on throughout the house when they weren't in a room or even in the house at the time. It was a pet peeve of his.

Knocking on the door he listened closely. He could hear movement deep in the house, but it didn't sound like it was getting closer to the door. Either the man couldn't hear him or he was ignoring him all together.

"Christopher," Dwayne called knocking on the door louder, "Chris. Open up."

He fell silent once more waiting. Then he heard a crash come from inside. Pulling out his gun he tried to door and found it unlocked. Taking a deep breath he opened the door and walked inside ready for anything.

At least that's what he had though. Then his eyes fell on the disaster zone that was Chris's living room and he felt his eyes go wide. The younger man wasn't exactly a clean freak, but he never let his home look like this.

Dwayne barely had time to categorize any of the damage when he heard something else crash. Lifting his gun once more he slowly followed the noise going through the house until he was in the kitchen.

"No. NoNoNoNoNoNo. NO!"

Turning the corner he pulled back just in time for a bottle of beer to fly past his head and shatter on the hallway floor. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest as he listened to things slam into the floors and walls.

Steeling himself he put his gun in its holster before walking into the room once more. He waited a moment for the man to notice his presence, but he was tearing plates and bowls from the cabinet and throwing them behind him.

"Christopher," he tried stepped forward though he knew the man was too far gone to hear him.

"Where are you?" the younger man growled his movements wild, "Where the hell are you?"

"Chris..."

The cabinet door slammed shut hard enough that it bounced back falling slightly off its hinges. The man swiped his hands at the broken shards of glass on the counter before falling to his knees a desperate sound escaping him.

From where he was standing Dwayne could see his whole body shaking even as he pulled his knees to his chest and clutched them closely. He looked so small in that moment. The older man never thought he'd associate 'small' with Chris.

"Please," the man begged to himself as Dwayne dropped to his knees beside his friend and rested a hand on his shoulder.

Chris scrambled away violently his hands and legs getting cut up by the glass on ground. Once his eyes were focused on Dwayne though he shot forward and threw himself at the man. He could do nothing but go along with it as the younger man straddled his chest pinning him to the floor.

"Where are they?" Chris demanded curling his hands in the man's shirt.

"Chris," Dwayne tried to sooth only for him to pull him up and slam him back down on the floor.

"Where are they? Where did you hide them?"

"Chris, you need to calm down."

"No. I need my pills. Give me my pills!"

"Chris!"

"Where did you put them?"

The younger man's hands clawed at Dwayne as he searched for the pills that he didn't have. His movements were getting more and more erratic as he looked. Tears of pain and desperation filled his eyes as he reached into his pockets and came up empty.

"Please. Please. Give them to me. Please!"

Chris moved to climb off of Dwayne, but the older man moved faster and pulled him into a hug. He clenched his eyes shut taking the punches and kicks that were delivered as he tried everything to get away.

Slowly the fight seemed to slip out of him. His hands curled in the back of Dwayne's shirt as he slumped against him sobs raking his body. Not knowing what else he could do he simply held the younger man tightly promising to himself he'd never let go.

"Oh, Christopher," Dwayne whispered tears filling his own eyes, "What have you done to yourself?"


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Shaking his head Dwayne closed the door to Chris's bedroom before slumping against the wall. The younger man had ended up falling asleep in his arms earlier and he had finally gotten him into his bed. Though, if he was honest, it was more passed out than asleep.

It wasn't the first time that he had put a passed out Chris to bed. That usually came after a night of partying or a hard case where the younger man drank too much. The man had done the same thing for him as well.

That was what happened when you had someone at your back. They took care of you when things took a turn. At least they did if they knew that something was wrong. He was never going to forgive himself for not noticing.

Dwayne had always taken care of people. It was a passion that had come from his mother. Feeding people that came into his home. Making sure that they knew he was there to talk to. It was the thing he truly loved doing.

It was the reason that he became a cop in the first place. He had a position where he was able to help people both dead and alive. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his life and he never wanted to give it up.

Everyone once in awhile though it was thrown in his face that he failed. He failed his people and he failed his town. As much as he hated to admit it he was human and he was bound to make mistakes sometimes.

He had never thought that his blindness would result in Christopher falling so hard. He was never going to be able to get the sound of him pleading for drugs or the sight of him shaking because withdraw set in out of his mind.

That went against everything that the younger man was. He was strong and sure of himself. He made sure that he never wavered in the face of danger. At the same time though he was soft enough to be a shoulder to cry on for the victims and their families.

Over the years he had watched the man grow into who he was now and he was beyond proud. The first time they met he knew that he could be more than he was. All he needed was a little push in the right direction.

Now though he wondered if he had pushed too hard. Was it possible that he had done something that had caused the man to fall into this? Could he have saved his friend if he had just paid a little more attention to him?

The questioned swirled in his mind as he pushed himself off the wall and walked into the living room. Everything was eerily quiet now that Christopher was passed out in his room. 'Chris' and 'quiet' really didn't belong in the same sentence.

Dwayne's eyes darted around surveying the damage done. It looked like a tornado had come through and ripped everything apart. He could hardly believe the man had been so angry and desperate that he caused the damage on his own.

Bending down he picked up a photo of Chris with Laurel. It was of her eighth tenth birthday party. Chris was carrying her on his back while swinging a fake sword at the camera as if he was a pirate.

She had loved that picture and kept it on her dresser since she had gotten it. When she left for college though she had a second on printed out for him. She had said that she wanted her big brother to have a copy too. He could still remember the tears in Chris's eyes as he pulled her into a hug.

The frame was broken now. The photo covered in drops of blood that he didn't want to question. He could just barely make out their faces as they laughed at the silliness with such honest, happy hearts.

With a shaky breath he placed the photo face down on the coffee table. He couldn't look at it right now. He already felt as if he was going to breakdown at any moment. Which was the last thing he could do right then.

No, right now he had to start cleaning the mess up. It wouldn't be long before the younger man woke up again and he'd rather not have shards of glass littering the floor when that happened. He hurt himself enough already.

Steeling himself Dwayne looked around the room taking note of everything that needed to be done. There were going to be a lot of patches in the wall and a lot of things would have to be replaced, but… He really couldn't come up with a positive in this.

Not being able to put it off anymore he started to walk around the room picking up the bigger objects that a broom wouldn't be able to handle. Books and the pages that had gotten torn out. Framed photos that were smashed beyond recognition.

With every item he picked up he felt his heart breaking a little more. Now that he knew what was going on it was easy to tell that the younger man had been abusing his pills. It wasn't just easy actually. It was a punch in the face. Literally.

As sad as it was he knew just how common this story was. A person gets hurt bad enough to take painkillers and the next thing they know they can't live without them. It happened every day and it would continue happening every day.

It was heartbreaking to see the results of that addiction and it wasn't the first time he'd seen it. Not even close to the first. One of the first thoughts that came into a cops mind when they got to a scene was if it was because of love, money, or drugs. It was almost always those three.

Even with that thought process though it wasn't the first thing Dwayne had thought when Chris went off on him. He just never equated the younger man with drugs of any kind. Cade had though. Very easily. Which meant that this wasn't the first time.

He couldn't figure out how he had not seen anything. Ten years of friendship and he had never thought that the man could have had anything to do with drugs. He wondered what else about him he had missed.

Okay, so they both had their fair share of secrets. Ones that they kept from everyone that came into their lives. It was just what humans did. The truly important ones, the ones that could come up in a case, though? Those ones they talked about.

From the fact that Dwayne's father was in prison for very illegal things to the fact that Chris's father had abused him. They knew about those and they kept an eye out when cases like that came across the team.

Drugs had never been brought up. In the cop part of his mind he couldn't blame the man for not being open about it. Having a past with drugs in their kind of work was not something you shared with anyone.

That didn't make it hurt any less. They weren't just cops anymore. They were family. Chris should have known that he wouldn't do anything but watch out for him. He should have known that he would be okay.

He hated thinking that if he had just done something different than the man wouldn't be suffering. If he had known that Chris had a past with substance abuse then he would have been able to help. They never would have even been in this situation if he had just told him.

Of course it sounded so easy to him. Just talk about it and everything would be fine. That wasn't the truth though. He might not have held it against his friend, but he didn't start as an NCIS agent. He was a cop. Not just a cop either. A narco cop.

He never would have gotten that position if they knew his past. It would have been too risky. If he was honest he knew that the man never would have been hired as a cop at all if anyone know about his past. No one would have trusted him. Which was the most important thing about being a cop.

Then there was the fact that the younger man was so damn prideful. He was so used to being the strong one. Whether it was because of his father's abuse or because of his brother's illness he was the one that everyone turned to.

He had taken than and run with it. Never admit that you were hurting in any way. It was a weakness and if anyone knew about your weakness than you could bet they were going to use it against you at some point in time.

Even when it was clear to everyone that he was hurt. He could be bleeding and broken and he would brush if off as it it was nothing. Because he had to make it be nothing. For the safety of his family and himself.

Him having a problem with drugs was something that could easily be exploited. If anyone was to ever find out than it would be the end of them all and he would never risk that. So he had decided to never say a thing about it.

The man was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard movement in the house. His heart leap into his throat knowing that he was going to have face Chris. He wasn't completely sure he was ready to see the man yet or not.

It wasn't as if he had a choice though. He had already failed him once. He wasn't going to do that again by doing something stupid and walking out. Chris needed him and he was going to be there no matter what.

Taking a deep breath he made his way back to the bedroom. He didn't bother to knock knowing that he probably wouldn't get an answer. Pushing the door open he slowly made his way to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Christopher," Dwayne greeted his voice the same as when he talked to a sick Laurel, "How you feeling?"

"H-Hurts," came the whispered reply.

Without thinking he reached out and ran a hand over the shaking man. He could just barely see the brown hair peaking out from under the blankets he had put over him earlier. He looked more like a child in that moment than Dwayne had ever seen him look before.

A strong hand came out from the blanket cocoon to grip his thigh almost painfully tight. Reaching down he linked their hands together letting the man hold on as the room was filled with muffled sobs.

His heart ached hearing the normally strong man. This wasn't the Chris that he knew and he hated it. He hated knowing that even though he wanted nothing more than to take the pain away there was nothing he could do.

"I'm so sorry, Chris," the older man replied squeezing his hand, "I'm sorry."

"Ma-Make it st-stop," he pleaded between cries.

"I… I can't, brother. I can't make it stop."

As soon as that come out of his mouth he felt the other man stop. His body was still shaking but it was as if everything else had frozen. Slowly he pulled his hand away and moved so he was no long under the blankets.

"Get out," he growled his blue eyes burning with anger, "Now."

"Chris..."

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

"No. You can get angry at me. You can yell and kick and anything else you can think of. I'm not going anywhere."

"I ain't your newest project, Pride. If I want you gone you go."

"And then what? What do you do after I leave? Go back to tearing up your home looking for those pills? They're not here and you know it. So what are you going to do if I leave? What's your big plan?"

For a second Dwayne was sure that the man was going to start swinging again. He knew that he was pushing more than he probably should. At the same time though he knew that he wouldn't listen unless he pushed.

Like a switch though the anger washed away and Chris was curling into a ball crying. It was a bit of an emotional whiplash and it killed him to hear the pain filled sobs. Not knowing what else to do he pulled his friend into a hug rocking them both gently.

"King," Chris cried his voice wrecked.

"I know," he attempted to soothe his eyes shut tightly to stop himself from crying, "I got you."

"Make it stop. Please. Make it stop."

"It's okay. Shh. It's okay. I'm not letting go."

"They have to be in the office. If we just go we can..."

"No. I'm not getting you the pills, Christopher. I won't get you the pills."

"Need them."

"No, you don't. You're going to be okay. I promise."

"I can't do this again."

"You're not alone this time. You're going to be okay. I'm right here. I'm not letting go."

"Please. Don't make me do this again."

"You're not alone, Chris. You're going to be okay. I promise. I promise you're going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay."


	6. Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Cade's fingers drummed nervously on his knee as the cab slowly made its way to his brother's address. It had taken him longer than he liked to get down to New Orleans, but he was only a few blocks from seeing the younger man.

That thought normally filled him with some kind of joy. He loved his little brother with all his heart. The man was his best friend and his confidant. He was the one person that never made him feel like he was a disappoint.

With Chris he knew that he didn't have to pretend to be someone that he wasn't anymore. He did, of course, but he didn't have to. No matter what was going on he knew that his little brother had his back through it.

It hurt to think about all the times that the younger man he put himself on hold to take care of him. It wasn't an easy thing and he never should have been forced to do that. Actually he hadn't been asked. He just took the responsibility and ran with it.

That was the type of person that his brother was. As bad as it sounded when he had gotten the call from Pride he had thought that it was the call he had been dreading. The 'I'm sorry, but Chris is dead' call.

It wasn't that far of a stretch to think that that call was going to come some day. Chris wasn't just a cop he was a person that threw himself into every situation with an open heart and the knowledge that he wasn't going to stop until everyone was safe.

He knew his brother well enough to know that he'd be more than happy to get himself killed if it meant saving someone else. It was a terrifying truth, but he respected him for it. Right after he felt the need to smack him a few times.

That was the image that he had of his baby brother. The loyal, hardworking cop that took saved people. That image though was slowly being chipped away until he was left with a man that he couldn't say he even knew.

When he had first found out about the drug use he had been beyond shocked. It was such a human thing to do. He didn't know when he stopped seeing the man as a brother, but he had. He went from 'human' to 'superhero'.

He knew it was a little odd since the younger brother usually had the hero worship, but he couldn't help himself. Chris was just the type of person that he wanted to look up to whether he was older or younger than him.

Maybe that was when all of this started. He quit seeing the man as a human with feelings and fears. Between him and their mother they had turned him from a child into a parent and that wasn't fair to him.

That was part of why he left. He had wanted to get some space and think about everything that had happened. It might have been years ago that he had problems with drugs, but Cade hadn't wanted to mess anything up.

For the first time in a long time the man was actually opening up to him about something personal. Scratch that. He was finally opening up to someone about something personal. It had to be handled with care.

Chris was not the type of person to talk about his feelings. He had never been able to be that person. Always being so strong and in control. He had left so he could get some information on how to help his brother. That had backfired.

If he hadn't left than he would have been able to help the man. He would have been there for whatever it was that had made him fall. None of this would have happened if he had just stayed and been the big brother he was supposed to be!

The cab finally came to a stop and Cade jumped out practically throwing some money at the driver. His mother had taught him not to be that rude, but he had more important things on his mind than being nice.

As the cab pulled away though he felt himself slowing down and staring at the house. He had been in that house so many times it wasn't funny, but for the first time he felt himself hesitate. He was terrified to know what was behind those doors.

Before it was always him that was the messed up one. He knew that walking through those doors he was in a safe place. Chris would help him in any way that he needed. He never had to doubt that.

This time it was Chris that needed help and he was there to give it to him. At least he hoped. He hadn't really been on the other side of the equation before. As much as he wanted to help he wasn't sure that he could.

Even as he thought that though he knew that he couldn't turn back and run. His brother was there for him through everything and he wasn't going to let him down again. He was never going to let him down again.

Licking his lips he made his way to the front door and pushed it open. He didn't really know what he was expecting, but for some reason it wasn't his brother's boss sitting on the couch looking sadder and more frustrated than he thought possible.

It took a second to steel himself before he was walking further into the house. The older man's head slowly lifted before he was given a tired smile. Pride looked as if he hadn't slept in day. Which was probably true.

"P-Pride," Cade tried only to have his voice break.

"Cade," the older man greeted his back popping as he climbed to his feet, "It's good to see you. Even under these conditions."

"These conditions? I'm guessing it's what I thought then?"

"Yes. Prescription pain medication."

"Oh. I was hoping. That's better than last time right? Those will be easier to kick?"

"I don't… We haven't really gotten around to talking about the finer details. He's… He's not doing so well."

Nodding his head Cade kneaded his fingers into the back of his neck. He wanted to tell the older man everything, but at the same time it wasn't his story to tell. It wasn't as if he knew any real details either.

He was really starting to hate how secretive his brother was. He knew that he himself wasn't much of a people person and that he ran away a lot, but he did talk when he needed to. He didn't always take his meds, but he did talk.

It was something that, ironically, Chris had told him to do. He was okay with the fact that Cade hated his pills. Or he at least accepted it. He might bring up the pills every once in awhile, but it was the talking that he really pushed.

"I'm sorry, Cade," Pride said breaking through his thoughts, "I should have seen it."

"It's Chris," Cade shrugged not blaming the man, "If he didn't want you to see it then you weren't going to."

"He's part of my team. I should have known."

"He's my brother and I didn't. Not until a few months back and that wasn't even because he wanted to tell me."

"Then why did he?"

"Our Mama sent a box of things for him and he was throwing it all away. I saw a little box that he used to treasure when he was younger. So I grabbed it before he could. Found the baggies inside."

"Baggies? Of what?"

"Heroin."

"Heroin?"

"Yeah. That's what he was addicted to before."

"How'd he get clean?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell me that. Just said that he got clean and that it was in the past. You know how Chris is. If I had pushed he would have clamed up. I never would have gotten any answers. Ever."

"I know. It's hard talking with Chris about himself sometimes. He doesn't like thinking about himself at all."

"Tell me about it."

Both men fell silent once more. For as much as the both wanted to say without Chris there there was nothing to say. They could sit there and speculate until their last breath, but they wouldn't get the full story until he told them.

Cade wasn't sure that was ever going to happen though. Pride wasn't joking when he said that his brother didn't talk about himself. In all truth he would be content to never worry about himself at all.

It was only because he needed to be in top condition to do his job that he was. He was always much more focused on other people and they best way to help them. It was no wonder why he had joined law enforcement.

Looking down the hallway Cade's eyes locked on the mostly closed door of his brother's room. It was almost pitch black in there and if there were any sounds coming from the inside he was too far away to make out any of them out.

"Is he..." Cade started before stopping to sigh, "How is he?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Pride shook his head falling back to the couch himself, "He's not the Chris either of us know."

"How is he then?"

"Angry at everything. He's taken a few swings at me when I go try to help him. It's not that he doesn't know it's me, but he knows that I'm not bring the pills so I'm part of the problem. He's scared. He knows that he's not acting like himself. I think a part of him is afraid he's turning into your father. Mostly though he's in a lot of pain. His head is killing him so I had to block out the windows in his room so the sun and the bird songs couldn't get in. He's not eating well and when he does it comes right back up. He's just… He's not having a good time right now."

"Should I… Maybe I…"

Before Cade for finish his sentence the house was filled with the sound of someone falling to the floor and retching. Instantly both men were up and heading into Chris's room. Pride turned on the light in the hallway to help them see.

It wasn't a pretty sight. Chris was on his hands and knees dry heaves racking his body. He looked so much smaller than Cade had ever seen. He never would have thought that the man in front of him was his baby brother.

He watched for a moment as Pride knelt down and softly began to talk to him. From where he was Cade couldn't hear a word, but he watched as his brother jerked his head to the side before all but clasping onto the ground.

Not knowing what else to do Cade sat down and reached out for Chris's hand. The younger man jerked away from him instantly before his eyes looked up. Wild looking blue eyes locked on his own a sob falling from his lips.

"C-Cade?" the man stuttered out sounding hopeful enough that it broke his heart.

"Hey, baby brother," he whispered smiling softly, "I missed you."

A beat passed before the younger man was throwing himself at him. Chris buried his face in the older man's chest his arms wrapped tightly around him. Without hesitating he gathered his brother in his arms holding him just as tightly.

They hadn't done something like this since Chris was a toddler. He used to have nightmares so bad that he'd wake up screaming. Cade was the first one to him every single time. He remembered falling asleep on the floor holding his brother as he cried.

"Cade," Chris pleaded his voice muffled, "Hurts."

"I know, baby brother," he replied resting his head on the younger man's, "I know it does."

"Make it stop. Please. Make it stop."

"Shh. I got you, Chris. You're safe now. I'm not letting go."

"Promise?"

"I swear to you, Chris. I'm not letting go. I'm never letting you go."


	7. Talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
> 
> There is only one more chapter left and the story will be complete! I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have!!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

With a low growl Chris slammed the door of Cade's car shut effectively shutting out what the older man was saying. If he had to hear his brother or Pride telling him that they were so proud of him or that they were going to get through this together he was going to scream.

They were both so damn positive about the entire situation. He was so sick of positivity and smiles. They weren't actually doing anything to help him. Unless they were trying to make him bash his head into a wall.

He was tired. All he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and forget everything that was happening in the world. It wasn't as if there was all that much for him to do out there. Until he got clean he wasn't worth a whole lot.

Both of the older men would tell him off if they found out he was thinking that way, but he knew he wasn't wrong. His whole life was about helping other people and he couldn't do that the state he was in.

That was more than enough motivation to get clean and stay on the right track. Which was exactly what he was doing at home. All he had to deal with now was waiting for the withdraw symptoms to disappear.

He was getting closer and closer to being okay and able to move on with his life. Outside of being freezing cold even in the New Orleans humidity and shaking badly enough that he should not hold a gun he was fine.

Okay, so his emotions were a little out of whack and prone to change at the drop of a hat. Fine. He was dealing with all of that. It was just going to take a week or two for him to get over it. Then he could go back to work.

At least that's what he had been hoping. Now he wasn't all that sure that he was going to be going back at all. For as much as Pride said that he couldn't wait for him to be back his mind questioned that.

Who would want someone like him on their team? They might not deal with drugs all that much, but when they did it was going to be awkward and the older man would be watching him instead of watching the case.

That in and of itself was not a good thing. He was the second-in-command of the team. That came with a lot of responsibility and even more trust. How could his boss trust him to have the teams back after all of this?

Sighing he raked his nails over his scalp and sat on the stairs leading up to the library. He might have wanted to be at home right then, but his brother had convinced him, or annoyed him really, into going to a group.

Apparently Cade thought it a good idea for him to talk about everything that was going on with him. Something that he really really didn't want to do. He wasn't a talker. He let his actions speak for themselves.

Which he was aware wasn't the best thing since his actions were saying he was a junkie. He didn't need to talk to anyone though. He got clean on his own once before and he was going to be able to do it this time.

Pride and Cade kept pushing though. They wanted to know what happened the first time around. What happened this time. Was there some underlying cause that pushed him. Was there… Blah Blah Blah.

It was as if they were expecting some grand confession out of him. That as soon as they knew why he did what he did that everything would be fine. He knew better than to think like that though. He knew nothing was going to change.

Resting his head against his knees he took a shaky breath trying to come up with a plan to get him out of this. It wasn't as if he had to do it. No one could make him go to a meeting and talk about his feeling.

Except they could. Pride was his friend, but he was also his boss. It was up to him when he was going to come back. If he said that he had to go then he had to go. If only so he could get back to doing his job.

That was really all he wanted to do. Just get back to his old life. Working on cases with the team. Going to Pride's bar and listening to music. He wanted… He needed to get his old life back before he went insane.

It had been almost two months since he had seen anyone on the team, outside of King, since his freak out in the office. According to his boss he had been put on a two week suspension for his actions and then was taking the rest of the time as sick leave.

Almost every day, if there wasn't a case they were working on, the man would come over after work and tell him that the team was asking about him. Hearing that warmed his heart almost as much as it pissed him off.

He didn't want to hear about the team or their cases. Not with the knowledge that he should be there helping them always looming in the back of his mind. If any of them got hurt while he was gone it was on him.

A few times Pride and tried to get him to invite the team over. He said that it would be good for everyone if they cleared the air. He couldn't though. He couldn't tell them about what he had been doing to himself. How he had failed them.

Cade and Pride had been trying to get him to see that it was just a relapse. That it could have happened to anyone. Maybe they were right, but it hadn't happened to anyone. It had happened to him. He was supposed to know better.

There was a traitorous part of his brain that kept telling him that he should leave the team for good. That they were better off just getting a new person to fill his spot. They might miss him for a bit, but they'd get over it. It was such a tempting thought.

He was just so tired of it all. Be it his personal life or his work life he was tired. Walking away from it all was getting more and more appealing everyday. He wasn't sure if that was him or the withdraw symptoms talking anymore.

Clenching his hands into fists to stop them from shaking Chris tried to take a deep breath. The last thing he needed was to break down in front of the library like some loon. He was regretting leaving the house more and more.

"Hey Chris," a voice suddenly said causing his head to jerking up.

Sitting beside him on the stairs was Sebastian. He hadn't even noticed that man coming to sit beside him. Was he really that lost in his own mind? He was a trained police officer. He wasn't supposed to let his guard down like that.

"It's good to see you," Sebastian continued a smile on his lips.

"Yeah," he agreed shakily looking away from the man.

The two men fell silent for a moment the rest of the city walking around them as if they didn't exist. That thought should not have been as soothing as it was. Considering he had been the focus of attention for months though he was glad for it.

"I'm glad you're here," Sebastian offered after a pregnant pause, "I was hoping that you'd join one of my groups."

"W-What?" Chris stuttered feeling as if the breath had been knocked out of him.

"The meeting that's happening in a few minutes? The one for people getting over the drug addictions. You're going to it. Right?"

"Why do you think I could go to that?"

"Chris… I… I found your pills."

A harsh breath escaped him as he sat there. Everything in him was telling him to run. It was Sebastian thought. The man was just going to follow him if he did that. There was no place for him to escape now.

He never wanted anyone to know what he had done. How he had given into the weakness and taken the pills. Now it seemed that everyone knew what he had done and that terrified him more than he though possible.

"I found them under my desk," Sebastian continued after a moment, "They must have rolled under there when you and Pride… Um… Anyway, I found them."

"And your first thought was that I was abusing them?" Chris questioned trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"No, not even close. It wasn't until Pride said you were on leave and that we shouldn't disturb you that I got to thinking. I thought about how you'd been acting. That's when I figured it out."

"It's great, isn't it? Seeing how weak I am?"

"What? Weak? Chris, that's the last thing I think you are."

"You don't know."

"Then tell me."

"No, I don't… I'm not talking about it."

"Then why are you here?"

"To get Cade and Pride to shut up and leave me alone."

"You could give it a chance. You might actually enjoy..."

"No, Sebastian, I'm not doing this. I can't…"

"If you say you can't let people see how weak you are I'm going to smack you."

Chris stared at the younger man when he said that. He sounded angry in the moment. Which was not something that he associated with the man. He was always so calm and happy. Now though all of that was gone.

"Sebastian..." Chris tried to say shakily.

"I've seen this before, Chris," Sebastian said motioning to the library, "That's why I volunteer here. I've watched someone I loved more than anything fall down this hole and refuse to get help. They had been so sure they that could do this alone. They died thinking that. I watched them die knowing that if they had just stopped thinking with their pride they might still be alive. You're one of my best friends. I think of you as my big brother. I… Please, don't make me watch you die too."

Hearing the tears in his voice Chris reached out and rested a hand on top of the man's. He could feel just how warm Sebastian was compared to him and he wanted to hold him close and never let go of that warmth.

"This…" Chris started between taking a deep breath, "This isn't the first time I've done this."

"Tell me about it," Sebastian prompted linking their hands together and holding tightly.

"I was sixteen. I… I was the man of the house. My Daddy had died in a car accident two years before and Cade was starting to show signs of being bi-polar. When I wasn't at school I was at work trying to get some money so that my family had food on the table. My Mama had a job too, but it wasn't enough to take care of the bills that were piling up.

"Between my schooling and my job and football practice and taking care of my brother I didn't really have much time to do anything. I didn't really even have time to be doing any of that really. I was tired from working so hard and barely getting any sleep and stretched so thin it wasn't funny. I knew that it was the wrong thing to do when I was offered the needle full of heroin. I knew that I should say no, but that was the first time in years that I had any time to myself. I gave in."

"And got addicted."

"Yeah, for two years that was who I was. I kept waiting for my family to catch on, but my Mama was worried because Cade was getting worse. I was pushed onto the back burner. I didn't even think about getting clean until we finally had a name for what was going on with my brother. I hadn't wanted to, but I knew that I needed to be there for my brother."

"How'd you get clean? That's not something that's easy to do. Especially with something like heroin."

"Honestly, the woman that got me hooked in the first place. She was older than I was and came from money. Big oil. Her father finally convinced her to go into an outpatient program. I don't know how she got her Daddy to pay for me as well, but he did. We got clean together."

"No one knew what was going on with you?"

"Nope. Like I said Cade was sick. That was more important."

"You stayed clean this whole time. That was big accomplishment, Chris."

"I'm sitting in front of a library about to go into a meeting because I started taking pills again. It doesn't feel like an accomplishment."

"It is. Why'd you start taking the pills? After being clean for so long. Why now?"

"I didn't want to at first. I was going to pretend that I was and that everything was fine. Percy and Gregorio were there though. They were watching me and…"

"And it was either take the pills or tell them why you weren't. Okay. I get that. You didn't want to know what happened in your past. You know they… We wouldn't judge you for this though."

"I know. I do know that, Sebastian, but this is not something I'm proud of. I'm supposed to be the second-in-command, Pride's number two. If you guys knew what I had done I thought you would be so concerned with watching me it would put everyone in danger."

"Chris, don't lie to me. This isn't about putting us in danger. Us in danger is you going out there stoned."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. You're my friend. I'm not going to tell anyone what you're thinking."

"What I'm thinking? How about that I'm weak and stupid? Or that you're better off without me? Or that I'm so tired that I just want all of this to end? I didn't tell anyone what I've done because I knew that we didn't have any emotions to spare. We're cops. Our job is to take care of people. If we're too focused on each other than they die and that is on me. I'm better than that. I'm better than this. I have to be."

He barely finished his sentence before he was being pulled into a tight hug. He forgot just how much bigger the younger man was until he was practically being cocooned by his arms in the tightest hug he had probably ever received.

"You're human, Chris," Sebastian whispered in his ear, "You're not weak and you're not Superman. You're human. You will fall and do stupid things. That's where your team, your family, comes in. We're here to help you back on your feet when you do fall. Just like you help us when we fall. You have to let us help you. Or this superhuman act is going to get you killed. Please, let me help you."

"How?" Chris spoke against his chest.

"Come inside. Talk to the rest of the group. They know what you're going through. They understand. And the next time you feel like you're falling? Call me. Call Pride. Call someone. None of us were think less of you if you ask for help. We'll all just be happy that you're okay. Promise me?"

"Okay."

"Say it."

"I promise to call someone if I need help."

"Good. Come on, we're cutting it a little close and as the moderator I kind of can't be late."


	8. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final chapter! I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. LaSalle is honestly my favorite character and I needed to throw angst at him. Not that I really needed to after the last episode. Still, I did. ^_^
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with redos on stories or want to know more about stories that will be started soon or even ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr (I made a Tumblr!) under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing!

Kneading at his shoulders Dwayne lead the march to his bar. It had been a tough few weeks at work with the case they were trying to solve. Something that was made all the worse by the fact that Chris still wasn't there.

Even with the fact that the man had been out of the office for while now he kept turning to him to give orders or take control while he did what he had to do. He knew that he relied on the man, but he had no idea how much until now.

Being down a man had left them all of kilter, but being down Chris had some serious side affects that none of them had known how to handle. At least that's what he figured with how everyone was acting.

Percy was back to acting like she did when she was ATF. She was running off by herself as if she didn't have a team at all. Her sarcasm was out full force and was being directed at anyone that came near her.

Which meant Gregorio. He had known that the woman was witty and could get mean when she wanted to, but he hadn't expected her to downright attack people. It was like she was wanting to hurt them.

He had had to break up fights between the two woman more often than he liked. He was close to just putting the whole team on leave until they were able to get Chris back. Especially with how Sebastian was hiding from pretty much everyone.

In truth the scientist was the one that wasn't acting like they had lost all their marbles. He had wanted to question the man about that. Between keeping the women from killing each other or the suspect they were after though he didn't have the time.

There were only three things that he could really focus on right then. Keeping his team intact, catching the bad guys, and taking care of Chris. He didn't have the time or the energy to try to do anything else.

That was where he was supposed to be going right then actually. Whenever he sent the team home for the night he went over to Chris's place to see how he was doing. Usually he was met with Cade telling him how the day went.

Chris was pulling away from him again despite the fact that his brother said that he was getting better. He didn't down right refuse to talk or see him, but he was distant and they never talked about anything beyond the surface.

Dwayne had no idea what he was supposed to do with that. It felt as if he had lost his best friend and he knew that that was his fault. He had been blind to what was going on and he had let the man down. He couldn't blame him for being upset.

Everything was weighing on his shoulders and he needed to take a moment to breathe. That was why he wasn't at the younger man's place right then. He had been neglecting the bar and had decided to take a little time to go over and see how everything was holding up.

There was a lull in the fighting between everyone and they seemed to be getting along for now as they followed him inside. Something that he was more than happy for. He didn't want to break up another fight that day.

He knew that the fighting was just because they were afraid about what was happening to Chris. He wasn't the type of person to just disappear without a word and leave them all high and dry. He didn't do that.

Percy and Gregorio knew that there was some secret going on between the two men and they were pissed they weren't being let in on it. The team wasn't supposed to keep secrets that big from each other.

It was all coming to a head. If they didn't either get some answers about the situation or get to see Chris he wasn't sure there was even going to be a team for the man to come back to. They were all falling apart.

He had tried to get the younger man to come into work. He didn't expect him to tell the girls what was going on or anything like that. All had had wanted was for them to see that he was alive and in decent health.

Chris had refused. He kept saying that he didn't want the team to see him in the state he was in, but Dwayne felt like that wasn't the whole truth. There was something going on in that man's mind that he wasn't letting anyone know.

So the fear kept growing everyday. Everyone seemed certain that the man wasn't coming home. He was gone for good without a single good-bye to anyone. Even he himself was starting to think that was the way this would all end.

When he first found out that the younger man was abusing pills he had had no idea what to think. Now that he looked at how the team was falling apart without him he could understand a little more how it happened.

He had been putting too much pressure on the man. Christopher wasn't the leader of the team. He was. It should have fallen on him to keep everyone from becoming a mess. Yet, here they were and he had done nothing.

Chris really was the heart of the team. He was the one that kept them going when the going got tough. He was the one that took care of them all when they fell down. He was the one that took care of everything when everyone else was too busy.

It hurt knowing that he had let his friend fall between the cracks. He had seen that the man was strong and he had piled work on him without thinking that it might be too much. As much as he hated to admit it Chris often got overlooked.

They all knew that the Alabama native could take care of himself and that actually preferred to take care of himself. They also knew that he was good at taking care of them whenever they needed the help.

It was easy for them to think that he was fine even when he was falling apart. Of course he was fine. He was Christopher LaSalle. That was the only way that he knew how to be. Nothing ever touched him.

Dwayne had always thought that he gave everyone equal attention. That he had let everyone know that if they ever needed anything that they only had to say the word and he was there. Somewhere along the way he had failed with Christopher.

Before he could continue to beat himself up for what was going on he heard someone yell loudly right next to him. He turned to see what was going on only to have Percy and Gregorio push him aside and rush forward.

A smile came to his lips as he watched the women hug Chris tightly. His eyes were shut as he held them close to him. It was almost as if he was relishing the fact that they were holding him. Dwayne couldn't blame him.

"Christopher," he greeted walking up to the group, "Glad to see you, brother."

"You too, King," the man replied though his smile was a little smaller than his old one, "Can I… Can we talk?"

"Oh we're going to talk," Percy jumped in bumping him with her hip though not letting go of his hand.

"Yeah," Gregorio agreed their legs brushing together as she glued herself to his side, "We have a lot to talk about. Starting with where the hell have you been?"

"And why the hell do you look like you haven't slept or eaten since you left?"

"Ladies," Chris laughed the smile growing a little brighter, "I know I've been gone a long time and… I think… I know I need to tell you what happened. I promise I will, but I need to talk to King first. Okay?"

"Fine, but don't think this lets you off the hook, Country Mouse," Percy snarked before pointing to the table in the corner, "We'll be waiting for you."

"Wouldn't dream of it, City Mouse."

Untangling himself from his teammate's Chris and Dwayne walked through the bar until they were in one the office in the back. It was rare that anyone bothered to use the room so he knew that they'd be away from prying ears.

"I know I just saw you yesterday, King," Chris started when the door shut, "But it is really good to see you."

"It's good to see you too," Dwayne smiled motioning to the couch in the corner, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"About the way I've been acting. I know I've been pushing you away lately."

"I can't say I blame you."

"I know what you're thinking, Pride and it's not like that. I don't blame you for this happening."

"If I had realized I was putting too much pressure on you then..."

"No, it doesn't work that way. I like the pressure I'm under at work. I like knowing that I'm your second and that I can help the team when push comes to shove. I enjoy it and I don't feel like I did when I was younger. It's not like that anymore."

"Then why did..."

"Honestly? King, my work is my life. I'm realizing now that that might not be the best thing for me. I need other outlets in my life and I'm going to work on that. My work is important though. I love every second of it. I got hurt though. Bad enough that I had to be taken off rotation. I was left alone in my home doing nothing but thinking. That, along with the fact that I hadn't told the team of my past problems and was forced into taking painkillers, was what caused the relapse."

"Chris..."

"I know. I know it sounds small to you, but Sebastian..."

"It doesn't sound small. Chris, I live in the place I work. I know what a workaholic is. And Sebastian knows? About this? About you?"

"Yeah, he runs the meetings I go to. We talk a lot."

"Oh."

The men fell silent at that. It was the longest conversation that they had had in a long time that didn't involve sports or a case. It felt… Actually, Dwayne had no idea what he was feeling at the moment.

"King, I..." Chris started before sighing, "I want to be the best. The strongest. The best agent. The best second-in-command. That clouds my mind sometimes. I push myself too far and I get hurt. I refuse to talk about what is going on and get even more hurt. I'm working on that."

"I know you are, Christopher," he smiled resting a hand on his shoulder, "I'm proud of you, brother."

"Good. Because I'm going to need your help."

"Anything."

"Call me out when you think I need to stop. Don't take me out of the field unless you have to and even then, please, put me at my desk. Make me useful. I can't just sit around doing nothing."

"You have my word. As long as you promise to talk to me more. Tell me when you're hurting."

"Deal."

Grinning the younger man pulled Dwayne into a hug before standing up. For the first time since this had all started he looked good. Like the world wasn't crushing him. The older man was more than happy to see that.

They made their way out of the backroom and to the team. Gregorio stood up and pushed Chris down so he was sitting between her and Percy. The man didn't seem to mind as he laughed and wrapped an arm around each other them.

"You ready to tell us what happened?" Percy questioned staring at him.

"I am," Chris nodded staring at the table, "When I was sixteen..."


End file.
